Recently I took part in a group coaching session on ‘confidence building’ topics. The topic for the afternoon was ‘Goal Setting’. A little part of me bristled at the topic as I’m no longer a goal setter, but something was compelling me to participate and I decided to not worry about the semantics of the language and see what would come up.
My issue with goals is that it makes me think of outcomes and form, whereas my way of thinking and being today is focused more on intentions, practicing surrender and trust when it comes to the form of how an intention is met. This thinking challenges me to dig deeper into what motivates me and to make decisions that are more heart-centered and less from the head, working more in the right hemisphere of the brain than the left.
So when I was asked what lessons I had learned in the past six to twelve months, my response was:
So I understood that my goals would be set with that in mind anyway, I wasn’t going to resort back to previous conditioning, to a punitive model of setting goals that made one live in fear of failure. I wanted to set myself up to stay with my intentions.
I set an intention with a deadline. To complete Part Two of the memoir I am writing in the next six months and I’m telling myself that it is an intention and I was feeling good about it because I’d just finished 40,000 words of Part One.
I have a 1,000 word per day target which means on the days I sit down to write I try to push myself to achieve that. I don’t always write every day, but I try. Not hard enough – that voice inside back chats at me.
I wrote 900 words, then deflated, this part was going to be adventurous, it didn’t carry the heavy emotional baggage of Part One. I could turn up and have fun. And yet. Three weeks later I wrote 300 words. And then nothing. Disappointed. Lacking motivation.
And then they came.
The memoir girls looking for coaching, looking for inspiration, looking for accountability. Looking at me. The failure. Only that’s not what they saw. I guess they were struggling within themselves with what I’d been struggling with and when we get together and talk about it, we all get motivated to keep on going, we boost each other up.
I said yes, but I told myself I have to be accountable too.
So I came up with this:
- What’s My Total Word Count?
- Which Chapter Am I Working On?
- What’s my biggest issue this week?
- Is there anything I need help with this week?
- What pleased me this week?
- My GEM (Goal, Easy, Manageable) for the coming week?
I found my inspiration by responding to and helping someone else. Sometimes that’s what it takes, to be your own coach, to find an accountability partner.
I am grateful to these two woman for coming to me at exactly the moment I needed to hear those messages for myself.
And now we write…
Until next Friday…
Do you have an accountability partner?
How do you motivate yourself when you get stuck?